Week 7b: Reading Week Needs To Be Now

So I got a 67% on my ballet midterm. Excuse me while I go pack my bags.

If you google "Elmira" this is the only
non-geographical picture that shows up. I'm not
even joking, try it right now.

In all seriousness though, I'm so mad. I've been working so hard in my classes, putting in so much effort, and I've really been trying, and yet my downfall will be pliés and sautés. UGH! I'm not about this life.

I'm really starting to stress though. I've been shedding hair like crazy, I'm starting to become sleep deprived, and I'm getting sick. I can feel the symptoms of my anxiety coming back and it's worrying me, which in turn just makes me more anxious. It's a vicious circle of worry and I'm going to make myself sick again.

I'm also starting to panic about Musical Theatre next year as well. All I really want for my future right now is to get into MT but I don't think I'm going to cut it. At the same time though, I'm not 100% sure I can even cut it in prep. People are dropping out left, right and centre. Every week or two there's one less person here, one less voice in choir. I'm terrified that I'll become the next empty chair, the next Ingrid joke. I don't want to be the crazy girl that dropped out of college because she couldn't even take care of herself for a couple weeks.

Even if I do get into MT, what if I can't cut it? People drop out every year. What if I go through all the hoops to get in and then drop out the first week? Or worse, two or three years in with nothing to show for it. Then what? I can't go back to Elmira. Not like that.

What am I going to do?